Redneck Vacation

It's been awhile again, apparently it's gonna be a thing with me, so ya might as well get used to it. We had a nice time on vacation. I have to say we were met with disappointments from the start though. The resort we stayed at turned out to be NOT a resort but a cabin on main street along with a couple of other cabins right next door.
The cabin itself was cute and comfy and the view of the lake was gorgeous. Of course the first thing the girls wanted to do was swim but the owner said that we could swim in the lake but we had to wash of as soon as we got out or we'd get swimmers itch. Then he went on to explain what that is- he said "Well.. it's all these damn ducks see,and the seagulls, they shit in the lake then the f*ckin' clams do too, so when you swim in that shit it makes ya itch." We thanked him for the information and the girls laughed and liked him instantly.
The owner made things out of junk he welds stuff together to make his stuff.
He made this spider to scare away the ducks and sea gulls, he put it in our yard and asked the girls not to feed the ducks or the sea gulls so we amused ourselves watching the ducks and seagulls investigate this new thing and we laughed when they decided to make it their new perch. Poor guy it really was funny, even funnier when the girls showed him the picture we took of the seagull sitting on his SCARY spider. He said "Well.....that.... ASSHOLE" to which the girls laughed their butts off.
The DVD player was shit and there was no hot water anywhere except for the downstairs tub, the two bedrooms that was advertised turned out to be one big room with a wall (with no door) in between. So, there went all the kinky sex I had planned:(
There were no batteries in the remote control, the owner said "Well, them last sumbitches musta stole um" and when we told him that the DVD player was shit he came over and worked on it for about an hour and determined that, "Yep, it's shit". He was very nice about it and after he pretty much blamed us for braking it, he gave us his play station to use and it only stopped working in the middle of the movies about five times. I ended up having to get pissy and told the dude that this thing was shit too and I wanted DVD player that worked NOW! To which he jumped and got me one ~ why couldn't he have just done that to freakin' begin with?
The pier was made out of sawhorses, it was sturdy though,the girls got some bread, sat on it, and took turns being attacked by seagulls.....dumb ass youngins.....funny shit.
We tried to make the most of it and we ended up having a good time. Our oldest loved the paddle boat and once the owner taught her how to fix the chain (that fell off about every hour) she had fun with it and only had to swim back to shore three times. He also loaned us an electric scooter that the two youngest loved. They have both asked for one for Christmas. We went to a bear reserve and a wild life reserve, it was cool we got our pictures taken with a baby bear.

We went to a little zoo and the girls got to hold a baby bobcat. We also went to an Elk farm, and a waterfall.

We walked up to watch a local gospel group at the community center, the lawn was filled with lawn chairs and everyone brought there dogs and of coarse their beer, the people even got up and danced a couple of drunken gigs to "you are my sunshine" and "I walk with Jesus".
We had a good time and felt right at home.

We got lots of good pictures of everything. I think that over all, I got enough pictures to keep me painting for awhile.

Catch Up

It's been awhile, sorry for that, I'll catch ya up. We had a bake sale for my dad, in case ya'll missed it he doesn't have a leg to stand onand the taking off of legs is very expensive and the bills are kicking my mama's ass. I baked till I dropped which ended up being around two the night before, then got up (AT 5 A.M.) and set up the sale. We did not sale as much as I would have liked and it was hot so a lot of my yum yums melted and I still had a half of a fridge full. I got rid of our two kitty's at the bake sale though, so at least something got accomplished. The draw back to that was that my kid (the animal lovin one) squalled like a two year old all day.I went to work where I sold some of my left over baked goods.I stuck to a time proven strategy to do this- get um drunk and temp them with sweets.
Work sucked more then normal that night,had four fights and some dumbass brought his dogs but,didn't leave um in his vehicle, he just let um run free around the building, so every time someone came in or went out,so did the dogs. I kicked him and his dogs out after the third time. I can't have dogs in the bar, they end up shitting in the restaurant, and my boss really doesn't like that, I know. The night went from bad to worse when I had to kick out a friend, for knocking over drinks,and getting on top of the bar, which was extremely nerve wrecking because he is very big and our bar is very old and week. He got mad and tried to run his truck into the bar, nice hu?
There were a few more heated conversations, and a guy pissing all over the men's room floor, topped off my night, But, I forgot to even mention the girl who came in, wearing a dress cut down to there, with nothing on under it, and ofcourse she was bending over a lot. I and everyone there have probably seen her titties more then her husband of two months, whom she claimed loudly that she hates. When asked why she married him, she says cus she was drunk and he asked. Now, she can't divorce him because neither one of them have a job to pay for it. So, she's decided to stick it out for four more months in hopes of gaining his house. lovely hu?
Fathers day turned out to be not very good for my husband. It started with me getting up prepared to cook my wonderful man a fathers day breakfast feast, but was greeted with my baby coon (which I got the week before) dying.While, I was at work, the night before, selling my butt off (that didn't sound good) my daughter gave Bandit a couple of baths because he was sticky after he had some yogurt. This proved to be a little too much for him and he dyed. My daughters and I were devastated and my husband spent the day trying to cheer us, then, I went to work a very sad lil redneck.
The next morning I was determined to make all this up to my husband but was instead greeted with my dog 'Rexy'who we have had for seven years, dying, I called my husband home from school, to take him to the vet but, he died even before we could get him into the car.
Very sad the next day, but still had to work. On the way home from work, I thought I saw a baby coon in the road so pulled over and investigated, it was not a baby coon, but instead was one of the kittens I just gotten rid of. What luck. She ran right up into my arms, I took her home and after she ate two bowls of food, I decided not to break my youngins heart again ------- And so, we named her 'Magna' ....I am back in good mommy standing with this youngin now, she even said "You da man, Mom"... To which, I swelled with feel good Mommy pride, while thinking 'Yep, I da man fer sure'
I am not however, in good mommy standing with my boy crazy 14 year old. We got her a job, the theory was to keep her so busy she wouldn't have time to focus on boys. Well, it didn't work, she likes the job cus, there are so many cute boys there and everyday we get to hear all the...... "and he said" ......"and I said"...... "and his eyes are the color of" ...and yada yada yada. Good plan, way to back fire, it's a shame they don't still make chastity belts. Maybe I'll buy her some baggy cloths when we go school shopping, strike that cus, I got her a job and now she has her own money. Boy, you kin tell I really thought this through hu?
The hubs and I celebrated our sixteenth anniversary, I don't know how he does it.
The fourth of July was a dud, but got to see an old friend, my long lost NB which was nice and my awesome cousin came for a visit and we had a great time.Of course, there were lots of drunken shenanigans and some dancing on the bar, and I may or may not have sang some karaoke, it is debatable because the play back sure didn't sound like singing, it was more like a sick pig howling. Not showing the video or posting the pictures, you understand I'm sure.
Our vacation is coming up so I have been working alot to get some extra money and trying to get everything around, like getting the house clean since it refuses to clean itself. We're going to Michigan for a week, very excited. I will post when I get home and I'll be sure to take lots of pics.Till then

Poor Poor Lilredneck

We took the youngins for a walk today, we have decided to walk as often as we can, cus, the hubby is fat (his words not mine). He is on a diet, he has given up pop and bread and is having a helluva time with it, he says it's harder then quitting smoking. He has already lost sum weight, though we don't know exactly how much, because he got mad at the scale a few months ago and junked it.
Anyway, the reactions of us taking a walk were comical, the whole neighborhood thought we ran out of gas and people were asking if we needed a ride to the station. Then they started taking pictures of us....This is what happens when you live in a small town...I guess jogging is out of the question.
On the way home we ended up with a tag along. We walked past a 'FREE PUPPY' sign. Me and the ol' man pretended we didn't see it, until the pups came a runnin' and the girls started oohing and aahing... S....H....I....T.
Then one of the pups decided he liked us and followed us all the way home. All of my husbands cussing, yelling and trying to chase this pup away didn't even phase it. He followed us home, then ran in the house like he owned it and settled down on Teffas' bed, like it was his. Very cute, but..... NO !!!

We stayed strong though, even through all the begging and pleading and the big blue teary eyes.We took the pup back! Yep, we suck rule.

After our celebrity walk and the doggy drama, we got ready to spend the rest of the day at the beach. We're all dressed and ready, the picnic was packed and I had my book in hand, then I remembered that I had to work :(
Not my normal night to work but, I took the night before off, to go to a euchre tournament... I lost btw, but the hubs took second place.
Long faces and some cussing tears too, I went off to work. I tried not to show my disappointment (smiles get more tips then frowns) So, all night I felt like shit for letting my family down, then I started thinking about this blog and getting upset over it too.
For awhile now I've been writing in this damn blog, trying to make it pretty and all. I made this adorable cute header and I've been making sure I take pictures of all the shit I plan on blogging about. I tweet every time I write, trying to get some followers and maybe some comments. So far, I only have two followers, and one of them is ME ......Don't know how I did that.....shut up...
WTF, people I'm funny... read me and you'd see. I figured I'm going to have to get serious and take sum drastic measures.. yer making me do it.
I came up with a PLAN... he he he witches cackle. I've decided to give you all an ultimatum ~ Follow me, or I will sent you very evil thoughts from my only slightly dysfunctional massive brain' !!!! I'm serious now, so beware, many have doubted and many have felt my power (usually, when they're taking their morning shit and it hurts their assholes) ha ha fuckers that's me....... so no more doubts or next I'll maka you buttholes bleed. he he he witches cackle
Beware... My redneck bullshit power is extreme...
So unless you want to walk around all day with a pain that only time can cure...... FOLLOW.....
And don't forget to go visit My Awesome Website and buy stuff play around.
Let me know what you think!

Duck.. Duck... Loose

We have found a home for our duck 'Salt'. We took her to a duck paradise where she can run and play with all the other ducks, Salt is the white one.

There is a duck pond she can swim in.

There are lot's of other animals here, and I thought I lived in a zoo.
The parrot took the cake though, his name is 'Victor' and he flies as free as a bird should. He talks and says his name, he is beautiful and I think he knows it...

He seemed to like my oldest and went right to her...
Then he came to me
...S...H....I....T...

Pay no attention to that chin under my chin, that's a whole nother post.

It took awhile for me to stop thinking he was going to bite my neck off.

We soon got along fine, until he decided he liked my boobs,

.....and I decided...

........SO DO I........

So for the sake of my boobs, I gave him back to his owner.

We had a nice visit. When we got home the girls rode 'Ghost' for all of five minutes and it broke down. We are all just devastated by this :)

Our New Ghost

For years my husband has been whining yearning for a four wheeler and this year, with our taxes, we were able to get him one.

Here it is in all it's glory.

He named it 'The Hulk'

My family has been having loads of fun on this big mean green machine every since. It has paid for itself already, this thing gets rode more then I do.

My husband made a trail for us to ride 'The Hulk' on and now has taught our oldest girl 'the dare devil' to ride it too (with supervision) which of course scares the bejesus outta me. Now he has been talking about getting a smaller one for my eleven and eight year old. There goes my nerves summer:(

My girls should have been boys, they climb trees, play with snakes and all sorts of critters, that we usually get stuck with. My oldest daughter bungee jumped last year on vacation (my heart was in my throat) and she wanted to do it again, then our other two got pissy cus they were to young to do it (I think they're trying to kill me)

Since having 'The Hulk', I have become a ball of nerves every time my husband has them on it and every time they bring up getting another one. All my bitching pleading falls on dumb deaf ears, he says they have to experience new things, and he doesn't want them to be afraid of shit. Well hell...

Today, he got them one... it was free... one of his buddies gave it to him and another buddy fixed it for him. Of course the girls are ecstatic about it and have already named it.

Let me introduce 'Ghost'

The girls have spent today giving me a coronary having fun on it. They do look cute on it.

My mommy brain though, sees all sorts of morbid visions and accidents that make me a nervous wreck.

I truly don't wanna hold them back but, they don't seem to care that my heart skips a beat or two every time they zoom by yelling "Look at me mom" or "Watch this mom"....URRR.... and to make it worse they laugh while I scream "SLOW DOWN!!!" as I frantically search for a way to destroy this new machine before it hurts my babies.

Okay, end of post!

I'm off to Wal-mart to buy helmets, knee and elbow pads and some of that shit that kills all things green within a mile, I think it's called Hulk-Be-Gone. I'll be on my cell with 'Ghost Busters' on the way.

Amazing DOG

If you've been reading you'll remember me tellin' you about the kitty's my girls found in the garage and how they are gonna go so at home they are with us now. Well let me elaborate.
My pregnant dog Teffa had come up missing and since she had never run away before, we feared for her life, then miraculously she appeared with one puppy.She has always had like five or six pups, so I'm left to assume that she had them in the woods and something got the rest of her pups and she was only able to save this one. Poor baby, when she came home with it, she actually looked like she was crying. She was very traumatized by this. That's when, miracle upon headache miracle the girls found these three kittens. The mama kitty stole one back so we have been stuck blessed with these two damn adorable kittens.
After about a week of cuddling with Teffa and her fat puppy 'Rudy', they began nursing off of her. It's true!! I couldn't believe it either. Teffa doesn't seem to mind, and I think it has helped her deal with the loss of her other puppies.

I video taped it for you.

Sooooo cute hu? It really is a win win.... the kittens get nursed and Teffa gets helped too, and 'Rudy' has something to chew on besides our feet.
I just hope the kitties don't start barking or the pup start meowing, what a post that would make hu?
Now it seems I'll have to wait until they are all weaned to give um the boot.
Speaking of boots...
Here's 'Rudy' stuck in my husbands boot, so cuteand here he is giving the boots a piece of his mind

Girls Day Out

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