Poor Poor Lilredneck

We took the youngins for a walk today, we have decided to walk as often as we can, cus, the hubby is fat (his words not mine). He is on a diet, he has given up pop and bread and is having a helluva time with it, he says it's harder then quitting smoking. He has already lost sum weight, though we don't know exactly how much, because he got mad at the scale a few months ago and junked it.
Anyway, the reactions of us taking a walk were comical, the whole neighborhood thought we ran out of gas and people were asking if we needed a ride to the station. Then they started taking pictures of us....This is what happens when you live in a small town...I guess jogging is out of the question.
On the way home we ended up with a tag along. We walked past a 'FREE PUPPY' sign. Me and the ol' man pretended we didn't see it, until the pups came a runnin' and the girls started oohing and aahing... S....H....I....T.
Then one of the pups decided he liked us and followed us all the way home. All of my husbands cussing, yelling and trying to chase this pup away didn't even phase it. He followed us home, then ran in the house like he owned it and settled down on Teffas' bed, like it was his. Very cute, but..... NO !!!

We stayed strong though, even through all the begging and pleading and the big blue teary eyes.We took the pup back! Yep, we suck rule.

After our celebrity walk and the doggy drama, we got ready to spend the rest of the day at the beach. We're all dressed and ready, the picnic was packed and I had my book in hand, then I remembered that I had to work :(
Not my normal night to work but, I took the night before off, to go to a euchre tournament... I lost btw, but the hubs took second place.
Long faces and some cussing tears too, I went off to work. I tried not to show my disappointment (smiles get more tips then frowns) So, all night I felt like shit for letting my family down, then I started thinking about this blog and getting upset over it too.
For awhile now I've been writing in this damn blog, trying to make it pretty and all. I made this adorable cute header and I've been making sure I take pictures of all the shit I plan on blogging about. I tweet every time I write, trying to get some followers and maybe some comments. So far, I only have two followers, and one of them is ME ......Don't know how I did that.....shut up...
WTF, people I'm funny... read me and you'd see. I figured I'm going to have to get serious and take sum drastic measures.. yer making me do it.
I came up with a PLAN... he he he witches cackle. I've decided to give you all an ultimatum ~ Follow me, or I will sent you very evil thoughts from my only slightly dysfunctional massive brain' !!!! I'm serious now, so beware, many have doubted and many have felt my power (usually, when they're taking their morning shit and it hurts their assholes) ha ha fuckers that's me....... so no more doubts or next I'll maka you buttholes bleed. he he he witches cackle
Beware... My redneck bullshit power is extreme...
So unless you want to walk around all day with a pain that only time can cure...... FOLLOW.....
And don't forget to go visit My Awesome Website and buy stuff play around.
Let me know what you think!

Duck.. Duck... Loose

We have found a home for our duck 'Salt'. We took her to a duck paradise where she can run and play with all the other ducks, Salt is the white one.

There is a duck pond she can swim in.

There are lot's of other animals here, and I thought I lived in a zoo.
The parrot took the cake though, his name is 'Victor' and he flies as free as a bird should. He talks and says his name, he is beautiful and I think he knows it...

He seemed to like my oldest and went right to her...
Then he came to me
...S...H....I....T...

Pay no attention to that chin under my chin, that's a whole nother post.

It took awhile for me to stop thinking he was going to bite my neck off.

We soon got along fine, until he decided he liked my boobs,

.....and I decided...

........SO DO I........

So for the sake of my boobs, I gave him back to his owner.

We had a nice visit. When we got home the girls rode 'Ghost' for all of five minutes and it broke down. We are all just devastated by this :)

Our New Ghost

For years my husband has been whining yearning for a four wheeler and this year, with our taxes, we were able to get him one.

Here it is in all it's glory.

He named it 'The Hulk'

My family has been having loads of fun on this big mean green machine every since. It has paid for itself already, this thing gets rode more then I do.

My husband made a trail for us to ride 'The Hulk' on and now has taught our oldest girl 'the dare devil' to ride it too (with supervision) which of course scares the bejesus outta me. Now he has been talking about getting a smaller one for my eleven and eight year old. There goes my nerves summer:(

My girls should have been boys, they climb trees, play with snakes and all sorts of critters, that we usually get stuck with. My oldest daughter bungee jumped last year on vacation (my heart was in my throat) and she wanted to do it again, then our other two got pissy cus they were to young to do it (I think they're trying to kill me)

Since having 'The Hulk', I have become a ball of nerves every time my husband has them on it and every time they bring up getting another one. All my bitching pleading falls on dumb deaf ears, he says they have to experience new things, and he doesn't want them to be afraid of shit. Well hell...

Today, he got them one... it was free... one of his buddies gave it to him and another buddy fixed it for him. Of course the girls are ecstatic about it and have already named it.

Let me introduce 'Ghost'

The girls have spent today giving me a coronary having fun on it. They do look cute on it.

My mommy brain though, sees all sorts of morbid visions and accidents that make me a nervous wreck.

I truly don't wanna hold them back but, they don't seem to care that my heart skips a beat or two every time they zoom by yelling "Look at me mom" or "Watch this mom"....URRR.... and to make it worse they laugh while I scream "SLOW DOWN!!!" as I frantically search for a way to destroy this new machine before it hurts my babies.

Okay, end of post!

I'm off to Wal-mart to buy helmets, knee and elbow pads and some of that shit that kills all things green within a mile, I think it's called Hulk-Be-Gone. I'll be on my cell with 'Ghost Busters' on the way.

Amazing DOG

If you've been reading you'll remember me tellin' you about the kitty's my girls found in the garage and how they are gonna go so at home they are with us now. Well let me elaborate.
My pregnant dog Teffa had come up missing and since she had never run away before, we feared for her life, then miraculously she appeared with one puppy.She has always had like five or six pups, so I'm left to assume that she had them in the woods and something got the rest of her pups and she was only able to save this one. Poor baby, when she came home with it, she actually looked like she was crying. She was very traumatized by this. That's when, miracle upon headache miracle the girls found these three kittens. The mama kitty stole one back so we have been stuck blessed with these two damn adorable kittens.
After about a week of cuddling with Teffa and her fat puppy 'Rudy', they began nursing off of her. It's true!! I couldn't believe it either. Teffa doesn't seem to mind, and I think it has helped her deal with the loss of her other puppies.

I video taped it for you.

Sooooo cute hu? It really is a win win.... the kittens get nursed and Teffa gets helped too, and 'Rudy' has something to chew on besides our feet.
I just hope the kitties don't start barking or the pup start meowing, what a post that would make hu?
Now it seems I'll have to wait until they are all weaned to give um the boot.
Speaking of boots...
Here's 'Rudy' stuck in my husbands boot, so cuteand here he is giving the boots a piece of his mind

Girls Day Out

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Redneck CPR

Went to visit mama tonight. Upon arriving the girls run to the pond to check on the turtle they stuck in there last night, only to find it floating upside down dead.
The scene of the homicide
-------------------->>>>>

They weren't as devistated as I figured they'd be they didn't even cry when we told um that land turtles aren't meant for ponds. No, instead of being crushed by this news the morbid little things put it on the table and decide to poke and prod it.

Which of course makes everyone else curious as to the bodily functions of a dead turtle. We took some pictures and my sister in a very rare 'silly' moment starts giving a ulogy for the turtle. lol... Then she proceeds to try cpr on it, and got some of those bodily 'functions' on her.I took some picture then figured out how to take video on my mom's camera lol.

~~~~~~~one~~~~~~~~~~~~~~two~~~~~~~~~~~~~ewww~~~~~


Here are two more videos of my gross sister.....

.........Dead turtle poop and Boogers from a dead turtle

Mean Ol' Artichoke

Ever sense I got this half of beef I have been experimenting with new things. Tonight it was sirloin steaks on the grill with onions and (first time) portabella mushrooms, also trying artichokes for the first time.
I did not let the fact that I have never tasted or cooked an artichoke deter me from trying.
I figured I'd steam it, shouldn't be too hard. Well, after the damn thing bit me a few times I decided to make my oldest youngin cut the poky parts off....>>>

After realizing I don't know my ass from a hole in the ground I didn't know the first thing bout fixin up one these vicious things, I got smart and googled it. I found this girl and followed her instructions.She also teaches ya how yer supposed to eat this thing.

I stuck it in the steamer for half an hour and vala ~ rednecks are adding more then corn on the cob to the menu, I was feelin pretty good. :)

We all tasted it, following the instructions on how to do that, and...... the youngins guinea pigs seem to like it.

So, I go ahead and try it :( I finally threw in some brussel sprouts that we all like except for the hubby. dinner is served!
<<<<------

After dinner, I still have some mean artichoke left, so I took it to Mamas and let everyone try it.

This is what my sister thought of it.My oldest ate it all the way down to it's hairy heart then, proceeded to eat that too.

This dinner has taught us all a few things, in the future we will avoid violent veggies and we all prefer ribeye to sirloin, either that or I can't cook worth a shit the grill broke and over cooked the sirloin. Damn grill, bout time for a new one anyway.
The puppy and kittens really loved the sirloin (bone) though.